My Dearest Target, I Feel So Deceived

Dear @Target,

I love your store. Truly, I do. If you had an opening for a person who shopped and delivered someone's order, I would totally do it. Like Peapod. But better, because it is Target, so, you know.

There is rarely a complaint that I have with you. The store I go to always has sufficient lanes open, is clean and well-stocked, and I never feel as though I'll be shot in the parking lot. Even in the dark.

I do, however have two tiny little complaints. Well, one is minor, the other one...you're messing with my feelings Target. And that's just not cool.

The first is that I wish you had larger carts. Not for everyone, of course, but for those who walk into your store knowing that they'll spend a couple hundred dollars on large paper products and other various household necessities and groceries. Kind of like how the grocery store has those little carts for when you are going to pick up just a few things, but...bigger. Can you get working on that? K thanks.

The second is that you shouldn't try to trick your customers. It's not nice. Let me explain.

Every couple of months, I go to Target and am thrilled to see that several of the things that I buy are on sale. But they just aren't on sale. If you buy two of certain kinds of items, let's say Bounty and Charmin, you get a $5 gift card to use on your next purchase! Yes! Saving me money and bringing me back to spend more! Genius! It makes me feel so warm and fuzzy inside when the cashier says, "And you have earned a $5 gift card, here you go." I tuck it lovingly into my wallet right next to my RedCard. (Oh by the way, thanks for the additional 5% off every time I check out. I have gotten so used to it I almost asked the cashier at the grocery store I sometimes frequent why my total didn't go down once she was finished scanning. Now that would have been awkward.)

I was thrilled today when I went in to get my usual stock of paper towels and toilet paper when I saw that the $5 gift card was ON! Yes! I shoved the 18 pack of Bounty onto the bottom of my cart and headed for my Charmin. I'm a tad particular about my Charmin. You see, I like the blue kind, but I don't like it when the roll is so big it doesn't fit in my little toilet paper holder in my guest bathroom. So I always get the double roll, as opposed to the mega roll. The mega roll is just kind of ridiculous. I always get this particular combination of Bounty and Charmin to get my gift card, and each aisle had the little red and white cards in front of the products telling me that there was a special. Since I do it all the time, I didn't think to look at the little black print on the little red and white card that was in front of the toilet paper. I knew how this worked.

Fast forward to check-out. The lovely cashier scanned the paper towels, and then the toilet paper, and moved on to the next item. Wait, wait a minute...where is my gift card? I want my $5! They always give it to me when the second item is scanned. That's just how it works! When I asked her about it, she told me that the Charmin wasn't one of the qualifying combinations with the Bounty, but instead I could get a free Charmin Freshmates. Um, no. I don't want a Charmin Freshmates. I want my $5 gift card.

Why the change Target? WHY? I've been getting this gift card for as long as you've been doing it, and I always get the exact. same. products.  If you didn't want to include the 24 double rolls of ultra soft toilet paper, then why run another special at the exact. same. time? So people will grab the usual and not find out until the get to the check-out, where there are four very impatient if not-too-bright customers waiting behind me?? (What? It was obvious how much I was buying, why get in line when half of my cart is still full? You have to know it's going to be a while.) I feel tricked, deceived, and kind of dumb. I don't like feeling dumb. It's like you knew I would just grab the same products and be forced to buy them even though they are not on sale once I got to the check-out. And, to top it all off, I didn't even get my free Freshmates!

I know what you are going to say. Read the fine print. Easy enough, but as a mom of two two-leggers and three four-leggers and a husband whose nickname is justifiably Workaholic, you can't expect me to read the fine print on the same special that I have always indulged in! . go to Target alone for a mini-vacation, not to squint my eyes and attempt to do math in my head. That's just no fun.

So can you do me this tiny little favor? Just keep the good old specials the same? Don't make things so difficult. Keep us busy moms in mind. And make some bigger carts. Please and thank you.

Have a good new year,
Gail

A Trip to the Mall

I love three day weekends. They are awesome. The first two days of my weekend, I did approximately 65,000 loads of laundry, vacuumed my house, went to Target and ran a couple of other errands, and stayed up until midnight on New Years' Eve. Which shocked me that I made it that far. (I think a fantastic meal helped.) (Mom...I ate SPINACH! And LIKED it!)

Today, my girls decided that they were really tired and slept in. Like, Sam got up at 11:30...and only then because she heard me in the shower. After a while of wandering around the house and picking up after her, I decided that sucked and we should get out. Ever since I pulled her from daycare, I have mommy guilt for because she doesn't get to play with other kids very much. So I thought, "Hey, we could go to the mall! They have a play area there! And it's free!"

I should've known how this trip was going to go when I couldn't get Sam to put on her shoes or socks, or pants. (She has a thing against pants, it is a rare day that she has them on the whole time. Shoes and socks too, for that matter.) So that was tantrum #1. After being put on the step a couple of times for time out, she relented and got excited about seeing "the kids." Poor Charlie, meanwhile, was patient for a time in her car seat, but then she got a little annoyed and started yelling at me. So goes life. Fortunately, movement settles her, and she was fine once we headed to the car.

Life was uneventful during the car ride until I heard from the back seat, "Mom, Charlie fell." Umm....OK.


We made it to the mall and Sam decided that she wanted to sit in the back of the double stroller. Which would be fine except 1) Charlie is too little for the front, especially considering by this point she was asleep, and 2) I had NO intentions of waking her. So that was a good 5 minute tantrum (#2), which I am convinced ended only because she got cold.

Once in the mall, Sam was good...lots to see, lots to take in. We don't venture out like that too often, and she was happy just checking everyone out. (Of course mom can't just wander around the mall without buying anything, I found little Pillow Pets, and just had to buy one of each. I am hoping one can replace my little pillow, or serve as an appropriate substitute.) So I decide to attempt the play area.

I guess everyone else in the free world had the same idea that I did, because there were a TON of kids there. Not so many that Sam was being knocked down, but enough for her to stand back and think, "Wait a minute, I'm not so sure about all this." Somewhere along the way, she picked up my purse (another one of her fetishes) and began her rummaging process. It took about 3 seconds for her to find "medicine"...aka gum. When I told her that under no circumstances (my exact words) could she gave any of that delicious gum (hey, it was Trident layers, have you had the strawberry one?) tantrum #3 started. The security guard actually asked me if she had gotten hurt, and was glad that I was just denying her the yummy "medicine". Good thing she wasn't hurt, as I was just watching her flail and scream instead of trying to comfort her.

After that one ended, we headed towards the exit. I thought maybe I'd swing into Children's Place just for the heck of it. She was so cute, I tried to get video of her "shopping", my purse slung over her shoulder, browsing through the racks of clothes at her level. I wonder if she was really looking, or going through the motions as she sees me do? And if she really was looking, what would she do if she saw something she liked? Would that be tantrum #4?

As it turned out, tantrum #4 started when she got into my purse again and wanted gum. Again I said no, and she really put her heart into this one. I was THAT MOM with THAT KID who was screaming and trying to throw herself out of my arms as I pushed the stroller with one hand and tried not to drop her with the other. I would've put her back in the stroller, but before I could get her strapped in, she slid right out and down onto the floor. I know the passer-bys were impressed with her speed. And luckily for me, Charlie slept though the whole thing.

Yes, I realize that the whole incident could have been avoided had I just taken the damn gum out of my purse. Or not let her have the purse (wait, no, that would have just started the tantrum sooner). I managed to get her to calm down by implementing a little dog whisperer trick...make her walk. Force her to walk, and focus on holding my hand, holding the purse, and keep up. We made it home with little to no more incidents, save for another, "Mom, Charlie fell!" This has GOT to get easier.

Double High

One of the disadvantages of being somewhat of a shopaholic is that you buy things on sale "for the future", and promptly forget that you own them. But one of the advantages to that exact situation is you get another high when you re-find your deals and actually get to use them. Check out the cute skirt and hat I found in the closet today!!

Will Work for Outlet Malls

A couple of weeks ago, I did one of those 50 Things About Me. I really had fun doing it, and even contemplated expanding it to 75 Things. But I thought that might get a little long, and people might be like, “Uh Gail, really don’t care that you don’t care about which way the toilet paper hangs.” So my 50th thing about me was that I really really really want to be a stay-at-home mom. I am getting a little taste of it this week since I am on vacation. YAY!! This is probably one of the first vacations that I have taken a whole week off of work without going somewhere which requires spending a ton of money. I am at the lake, at my in-laws cottage, which is one mere hour from the outlet malls. (which, ironically, are a mere 45 minutes from my house) And when I woke up this morning and it was raining, I knew that I needed to go shopping, because Workaholic needs new work shirts. And he only likes Polo shirts. To wear to work. As a carpenter.

I’m not even going to pretend like I don’t like to shop. I will say that I am not a real big fan of spending money, but I do understand that in order to shop, you must spend money. And the outlet malls are PERFECT, since everything is on sale. And right now, there are BACK TO SCHOOL SALES. Which means even more money saved. YAY!! (My mother-in-law would tell you that I do have an issue with shopping, just look at Sam’s closet. I think sometimes she holds back buying her anything because she already has so much…and for this, I am genuinely sorry. Poor kid can’t even get spoiled by her Oma.)

Workaholic has to work part-time this week, half days until Wednesday. Which is great, because Sam didn’t wake up until almost 11am. (I was actually lying in bed, waiting for her to get up. Weird. Not bad, just weird.) So he has to pass by the aforementioned outlet malls on his way home, and I figured he could just meet me there; we’d eat lunch, and commence shopping. I promised myself that I would just hit the core stores, J Crew, Polo/Ralph Lauren, The Gap, maybe Carter’s for Samantha.

Usually, I take one of my best friends Dr. Nadene with me when we go to the outlet mall. She complements my shopping style perfectly; we cruise through stores at about the same speed, bounce ideas off of one another, and have the same mentality when it comes to whether something is on-sale enough. Which is to say that it is worth our hard-earned money. Today of course, I had Workaholic as a shopping partner. And he is not nearly as smart a partner as Dr. Nadene. Not even close.

Exhibit A: (this photo doesn't really do the pile justice, because that stack on the top left is at least 8 shirts. And the pile next to it is 4 more. And so on...)


We went to The Gap, Osh Kosh B’Gosh, Gap Kids, Nautica, Polo, Banana Republic, Aldo, Puma, Children’s Place, Gymboree, Coach, Tommy, Hanna Anderson, J Crew, Nine West, Carter’s, and others that I can’t even remember. I didn’t buy something at every store, just most of them. (Carter’s I had something in my hand, but when I realized that not only was there only one clerk, but she was training someone, and that the person they were checking out had, and I am not even kidding, 40 things, not even the first of which had been rung up when I got in line behind them-I knew I had to put my stuff back and leave. I can get better deals on Carter’s stuff at Penney’s anyways) I actually had to tell Workaholic no on certain things. “No, $40 for a Polo shirt is NOT a good deal.” ($20, on the other hand, is) We were there almost 6 hours, and Samantha was a shopping CHAMP. (She crashed on the way home.) Workaholic, too, was a champ. Then again, he LOVES to spend money, and understands that shopping is a necessary part of spending.


I tried hard to not spend frivolously, and feel pretty good that I bought stuff on sale, and good sales, stuff that Sam can wear next year. And Workaholic has 30 new shirts to wear to work (OK, maybe not 30, more like 12), and I don’t have new J Crew pants to wear because the stupid store didn’t have my stupid size. (such disappointment) But mom? Mother-in-law? Sam could still use some cute winter clothes, you know, if YOU feel like shopping. So much for this being a cheap vacation. Outlet malls...my reason for working.

Random Thoughts

Again, this morning, I had a great blog going in my head. I should’ve gotten up and written it, as I was wide friggin’ awake at 4am. Once Workaholic left for work though, I fell back asleep and couldn’t wake up for work. And now the genius work of art that was my blog for today is gone. So goes life.

Friends of ours mother made a beautiful blanket for the baby that I received at my baby shower, and we’d like to send a thank you note that includes a picture of me with said blanket. So I was standing there smiling, and smiling, and smiling, and finally I told him to tell me when to smile, he was taking too long. So he said, “Just give me a minute.” And then immediately took this picture. Suffice it to say, we will not be sending that picture. We got a much better one once I stopped laughing.

My sister and I are doing the Black Friday thing. And I think that we are actually going to go at 4am. Because really? Why not? I mean, what else do we have to do at 4am the day after Thanksgiving? A free day off of work for me? (no, sleep is not the answer, apparently) My only hope lies in that the economy isn’t so great, so maybe there won’t be the number of shoppers out that there usually is. Or maybe by the time we are dead, you know, by like 8am, those people will just be going out as we are headed home, van full of presents.

On a side note, does anyone watch The Hills? OK, I’ll admit it, I don’t. I only know what I see on The Soup. (Which I can’t even record anymore because my stupid C@mcast DVR isn’t as smart as my TiVO. It records the same episode 6 times in one week, instead of recognizing that it has already recorded that show!!! 5 times!!!!) Anyway, I digress. Spencer and Heidi went to Mexico and got married. Which is insane, because he is a horrible person that has a creepy flesh colored beard, and because she is pretty and blond. But obviously, not too smart. I wonder if the cameras followed them, you know, because they are filming a reality TV show, and that’s their job. Hopefully they did, because no family or friends were there to witness the blessed, albeit not legal, event. I can’t wait to find out when they break up.