I got this as a forwarded e-mail this morning. And while I know most of you have probably already seen it at some point, it struck a chord with me and I felt the need to share. That and this whole thing is my new mantra.
1. Aspire to be Barbie - the bitch has everything.
2. If the shoe (or shirt) fits - buy them in every color.
3. Take life with a pinch of salt... A wedge of lime, and a shot of tequila.
4. In need of a support group? - Cocktail hour with the girls!
5. Go on the 30 day diet. (I'm on it and so far I've lost 15 days).
6. When life gets you down - just put on your big girl panties and deal with it.
7. Let your greatest fear be that there is no PMS and this is just your personality.
8. I know I'm in my own little world, but it's ok. They know me here.
9. Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself.
10. Don't get your knickers in a knot; it solves nothing and makes you walk funny.
11. When life gives you lemons - buy some Coronas.
12. Forget about the perfect man - he's living in San Fran with his boyfriend.
13. Keep your chin up, only the first 40 years of parenthood are the hardest.
14. If it has tires or testicles it's gonna give you trouble.
15. By the time a women realizes her mother was right, she has a daughter who thinks she's wrong.
Have a great day everyone!!
Friday, April 1, 2011
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Two Kids...Or More? A Dark & Twisty Take.
I wrote about having more than one kid yesterday over at 2 Much Testosterone. I promised you folks more, and I am here to serve you! However, please keep in mind that the following is my own neurosis. It isn't me judging anyone or suggesting anything to anyone. It is simply a peek into my head.
For a long time, the notion of the "perfect family" of four bothered me. Coming from a family of six, with no brothers, I felt like "they" were dissing on us. Like "they" were saying we were some weird, freak kind of family. "Oh wow! There are FOUR of you?! And ALL GIRLS?? Your poor dad." (OK, the last part is right.)
You always saw that family on TV...a mom, a dad, an older brother, and a younger sister. Who was an angel. And they had a Golden Retriever. (I obviously got over that part.) I was upset through my youth that I didn't have an older brother to protect me. I liked to think that the neighbor boys were like my older brothers, but they really weren't. Especially after they moved away.
A few years ago, I found something else about that perfect family of four that disturbs me much, much more.
It seems that a lot of people I know who only have one sibling seem to have something missing in their lives. And that would be a relationship with said sibling. Don't get me wrong, they would not trade their childhood for anything in the world. But as adults, they've grown apart. They've discovered that they are two very different people, with different values (weird, right?) and different ways of living their lives. And often times, they allow this to pull them in opposite directions, to the point where they basically have no relationship anymore. Now, I know this happens all the time to people with multiple siblings, but I am all about the law of statistics. The higher the number, the better chance you have of something turning out right. The better chance you have of your kids being close to at least one of your other children. Or so I hope.
There is a much darker, morbid side to my viewpoint as well. I've known several people whose only other sibling has died. Passed away. Gone on to the other side. Whatever you want to call it, they are no longer here on this Earth.
I'm not kidding. I know kids my age who have lost their only sibling to a car accident, overdose, suicide, and even murder. Murder, people. (Can you imagine losing your only sibling at the hands of some lunatic?) Even if it wasn't murder, it was a random accident, or a drug overdose or suicide that everyone tried everything they could to stop. What would that do to you? What that would do to your parents? And while your parents are grieving, you all have to help each other, but there is no one else on earth who knows how you feel.
I know there are support groups out there for people in these situations. A way to find someone else to lean on when you just can't handle the grief anymore. But it really hit me when one of these people said to me, "I'm an only child now."
And that just made me sad. Sad for her. Sad for everyone who has no one. I've said it before and I'll say it again. I KNOW that many folks out there have friends who are more like family than any family they ever had. And there are women who can only have one child, and so surround themselves with loved ones who aren't biologically related. (And to those people I say, Good job. You are doing it better than I probably would.) I'm just saying, for me, Fertile Mrytle, I want to give my kids siblings. If for nothing else than for peace of mind. Because the way that my mind works, if I have more than two kids, then nothing bad will happen to any of them. (Yes...I have a serious case of "It won't happen to me.")
All anyone wants is for their kids to be happy and healthy. And not have a dark and twisty mind like mine. To me, THAT would be the perfect family.
For a long time, the notion of the "perfect family" of four bothered me. Coming from a family of six, with no brothers, I felt like "they" were dissing on us. Like "they" were saying we were some weird, freak kind of family. "Oh wow! There are FOUR of you?! And ALL GIRLS?? Your poor dad." (OK, the last part is right.)
You always saw that family on TV...a mom, a dad, an older brother, and a younger sister. Who was an angel. And they had a Golden Retriever. (I obviously got over that part.) I was upset through my youth that I didn't have an older brother to protect me. I liked to think that the neighbor boys were like my older brothers, but they really weren't. Especially after they moved away.
A few years ago, I found something else about that perfect family of four that disturbs me much, much more.
It seems that a lot of people I know who only have one sibling seem to have something missing in their lives. And that would be a relationship with said sibling. Don't get me wrong, they would not trade their childhood for anything in the world. But as adults, they've grown apart. They've discovered that they are two very different people, with different values (weird, right?) and different ways of living their lives. And often times, they allow this to pull them in opposite directions, to the point where they basically have no relationship anymore. Now, I know this happens all the time to people with multiple siblings, but I am all about the law of statistics. The higher the number, the better chance you have of something turning out right. The better chance you have of your kids being close to at least one of your other children. Or so I hope.
There is a much darker, morbid side to my viewpoint as well. I've known several people whose only other sibling has died. Passed away. Gone on to the other side. Whatever you want to call it, they are no longer here on this Earth.
I'm not kidding. I know kids my age who have lost their only sibling to a car accident, overdose, suicide, and even murder. Murder, people. (Can you imagine losing your only sibling at the hands of some lunatic?) Even if it wasn't murder, it was a random accident, or a drug overdose or suicide that everyone tried everything they could to stop. What would that do to you? What that would do to your parents? And while your parents are grieving, you all have to help each other, but there is no one else on earth who knows how you feel.
I know there are support groups out there for people in these situations. A way to find someone else to lean on when you just can't handle the grief anymore. But it really hit me when one of these people said to me, "I'm an only child now."
And that just made me sad. Sad for her. Sad for everyone who has no one. I've said it before and I'll say it again. I KNOW that many folks out there have friends who are more like family than any family they ever had. And there are women who can only have one child, and so surround themselves with loved ones who aren't biologically related. (And to those people I say, Good job. You are doing it better than I probably would.) I'm just saying, for me, Fertile Mrytle, I want to give my kids siblings. If for nothing else than for peace of mind. Because the way that my mind works, if I have more than two kids, then nothing bad will happen to any of them. (Yes...I have a serious case of "It won't happen to me.")
All anyone wants is for their kids to be happy and healthy. And not have a dark and twisty mind like mine. To me, THAT would be the perfect family.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
My First Guest Post!!!!
OMGOMGOMG...I have my first guest posting assignment!! (For those of you who only read me, i.e. awesome family members, a guest post is when a blogger posts on someone else's blog.)
Pamela, over at 2 Much Testosterone (go read her, she is kick ass!), is letting me ramble on over there. So please click over, give me some comment love, and then keep reading her stuff. She is one. funny. lady.
Then...come back here. Because I have more to add to the topic of mommy guilt and multiple kids, but it has to wait until tomorrow. See ya'll then!
Pamela, over at 2 Much Testosterone (go read her, she is kick ass!), is letting me ramble on over there. So please click over, give me some comment love, and then keep reading her stuff. She is one. funny. lady.
Then...come back here. Because I have more to add to the topic of mommy guilt and multiple kids, but it has to wait until tomorrow. See ya'll then!
Monday, March 28, 2011
Sick...yay!
So, I've had this cough. You know, the kind that gets worse at night. And wakes up your 7 month old, who just happens to be sleeping in the same room as you. And your husband. And the dog. And the cat. Who all just happen to be in the same room. And no, I didn't leave the room...I was suffering enough! I got to work early this morning, and had a good hack while walking down a hallway. A co-worker (who shall remain nameless, ERIC), gave me one of those, "Eewwww" looks and told me that I need to go to the doctor. That my cough sounded "bronchial." After I got sick of sitting at my desk being tired (due to the lack of sleep, you know, the coughing), I decided to go to the Immediate Care down the street from my office. Approximately 2 hours later (I guess not so immediate), I was diagnosed with bronchitis. WTH? I've never had that before. Is it sad that I feel a strange sense of validation? Like I can say now, "See people?? I was sick! I did deserve to take that 3 hour nap!" I told you I was sick.
Friday, March 25, 2011
I Could Totally Be Her
I was sitting at work yesterday, and got to thinking about my house. I'm not quite sure why, but I tend to do this a lot when I am away from said house. I start thinking about all the things that need to be fixed. (BTW...I once had a realtor stalk me because she wanted to list our house. Finally, I told her that we needed time to fix things inside and get it in "show-worthy" condition. And she said, "It is only 5 years old, what possibly could need to be done?" And that? Made me feel like shit.)
Sometimes, with Workaholic working theschedule obsessive way that he does, I feel like I could be Annie from 7th Heaven. Remember that show? I am totally her, minus the minister for a husband, the seven kids, the never-ending patience, and the ability to do anything handy around the house. But I could be her. Minus the minister husband and the seven kids and the never-ending patience.
Let's see, since we've been living in the house for the past 6 1/2 years now, I shall list what needs fixed.
Paint: Pretty much the entire interior needs to be repainted, including but definitely not limited to the baseboards. I'm very hard on those with the vacuum cleaner. We apparently also are very hard on walls. There is some patching that will have to be done, due to some furniture re-arranging that wasn't done as carefully as it should have been.
Floor: The hardwood is scratched by more things than I can count (dogs, kids, furniture, the boy) and should be refinished. We will probably do that AFTER we move out.
Light bulbs: There is never a time when there is not a single light bulb out in my house. Right now, there is one in Sam's room and one in the hallway leading in from the garage. Why Gail...why don't you change them? you ask. Umm...yeah, I should. I'm generally too lazy to pull out the step ladder though.
Dust: There are 5 people, a dog, and a cat that are in this house most of the time. Did you know that dust is mainly composed of dead skin? And pet dander. So...yeah. I have no problem keeping the dust cleared off of places that are reachable, like picture frames and furniture. It's those high places, like ceiling fans and vanity lights that get me. Again with the step ladder.
Clutter: I just can't seem to ever put anything away. Ever. I have a laundry room with a nice counter top that you can't see. The bar in my kitchen is usually full of mail that needs opened, paperwork that needs filed, and crumbs that Workaholic doesn't wipe up.
Exterior: We have some damage from a storm a few years ago...spindles on a 2nd story balcony that were knocked off. Those need to be replaced. And there are a couple of spots where the wood needs to be replaced around one of our exterior doors. Plus, the screened in porch always needs to be vacuumed, and the landscaping could use a spring clean-up.
If I was Annie from 7th Heaven, I would totally get all this done. She was a Superwoman. A Supermom! I'm just me. Maybe I'll start small...changing the light bulbs. Work my way up to the dusting. (Get it? Work my way up? I crack myself up.)
Sometimes, with Workaholic working the
Let's see, since we've been living in the house for the past 6 1/2 years now, I shall list what needs fixed.
Paint: Pretty much the entire interior needs to be repainted, including but definitely not limited to the baseboards. I'm very hard on those with the vacuum cleaner. We apparently also are very hard on walls. There is some patching that will have to be done, due to some furniture re-arranging that wasn't done as carefully as it should have been.
Floor: The hardwood is scratched by more things than I can count (dogs, kids, furniture, the boy) and should be refinished. We will probably do that AFTER we move out.
Light bulbs: There is never a time when there is not a single light bulb out in my house. Right now, there is one in Sam's room and one in the hallway leading in from the garage. Why Gail...why don't you change them? you ask. Umm...yeah, I should. I'm generally too lazy to pull out the step ladder though.
Dust: There are 5 people, a dog, and a cat that are in this house most of the time. Did you know that dust is mainly composed of dead skin? And pet dander. So...yeah. I have no problem keeping the dust cleared off of places that are reachable, like picture frames and furniture. It's those high places, like ceiling fans and vanity lights that get me. Again with the step ladder.
Clutter: I just can't seem to ever put anything away. Ever. I have a laundry room with a nice counter top that you can't see. The bar in my kitchen is usually full of mail that needs opened, paperwork that needs filed, and crumbs that Workaholic doesn't wipe up.
Exterior: We have some damage from a storm a few years ago...spindles on a 2nd story balcony that were knocked off. Those need to be replaced. And there are a couple of spots where the wood needs to be replaced around one of our exterior doors. Plus, the screened in porch always needs to be vacuumed, and the landscaping could use a spring clean-up.
If I was Annie from 7th Heaven, I would totally get all this done. She was a Superwoman. A Supermom! I'm just me. Maybe I'll start small...changing the light bulbs. Work my way up to the dusting. (Get it? Work my way up? I crack myself up.)
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Writer's Workshop
"Workaholic...can you carry this upstairs for me? What? No, I'm not carrying anything myself. Why would I?"
"Workaholic, could you get me a glass of water? What? You are right next to the refrigerator and I don't care that you are going the other way."
"Workaholic? Workaholic? Oh...did you just leave the room and had to come back to see what I wanted? Sorry...I forgot what I needed to ask you."
"Workaholic, could you get me a glass of water? What? You are right next to the refrigerator and I don't care that you are going the other way."
"Workaholic? Workaholic? Oh...did you just leave the room and had to come back to see what I wanted? Sorry...I forgot what I needed to ask you."
"Oh! Hey! Get back in here! I just remembered."
"Do you realize that I was stuck home all day with the kids and did 5 loads of laundry and went to the grocery store? Now that you are home from working a 16 hour day, I think you should put the kids to bed. Oh, and they need showers too, both of them."
"Did you fix the electric in the basement? Did you take out the trash? Did you remember to feed the dog? Why do you put your dishes in the sink when there is a perfectly empty dishwasher right next to it?"
"Yes, I went to the store. No, I didn't buy any cookies. Or candy. Or ice cream. Or snack cakes."
"What are your plans for this evening?"
"Are you going upstairs?"
This post brought to you by Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop. The prompt I chose (if you couldn't tell) was "Something you do that drives your significant other CRAZY."
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
NO WAY MOMMY!
I know that a lot of mommy bloggers start blogging because they are excited about having a kid, and they want to document the journey. And then it turns into something more, a community of people helping you, and encouraging you along your path.
If you read someone for a long time, you see their child's progression from the mom being pregnant to a screaming newborn, to a crawler, and then the toddler stage. At this point, the sleep deprivation of the newborn weeks/months is a happy memory, and they are trying to not bitch slap the thing that replaced their sweet, innocent little baby.
Samantha has officially entered the "I am seriously trying not to toss you out the front door and lock it" stage. She has this...whine. If you tell her no, she immediately starts in with "Uuuueeeee". Or whatever it sounds like...you people know what I am talking about. And, depending on her level of sleep deprivation, the whine will quickly escalate into a screaming, throw-herself-on-the-floor tantrum. Depending on my level of patience, I either whip her up and set her on the stairs, yell at her and tell her to stop crying, or just step over her and leave the room. I am thinking I need to do the latter much. more. often.
The stairs thing is effective if she isn't yet in full tantrum. As is the "stop crying" command. What gets really, really, old is when the full tantrum happens oh...every 5 minutes or so. And you try throwing her in bed to take a nap and she just screams or yells for you or just flat out doesn't sleep. It is a never-ending cycle, especially in public, with anyone who doesn't have a toddler or hasn't had one for 20 years either feeling sorry for you ,or giving you judgemental looks. JUST WAIT PEOPLE.
I feel bad. I feel like all I do is yell. Or snap. (Speaking of...her latest thing to say? "Oh snap!" Which is super cute.) Her other latest thing? "NO WAY MOMMY!" Followed quickly by throwing herself on the floor. (or maybe she just trips and winds up on the floor, you never know)
me: "Sam, do you want milk or water for dinner?"
Sam: "Milk or water. Water or milk. JUICE!"
me: "Sam, you've already had a lot of juice today, do you want milk or water?"
Sam: "Juuuuiiiiiiice!!"
me: "Fine, you are having water."
Sam: "NO WAY MOMMY!!"
Another example that is super, duper frustrating?
me: "Sam, come over here and lay down so I can change your diaper."
Sam: "NO WAY MOMMY!"
And yes, sometimes I do just let her walk around with a diaper that is almost hanging to the floor, because she just. won't. cooperate. You know what happened then? She peed on the chair. Through her diaper. Sigh...
I know other people have it way worse. They have kids with autism, or just kids with much shorter fuses and much more stamina. And attention span. I know I don't have it that bad. Because nothing that been that terrible with her. But this "terrible two's"? Is getting on my nerves. And I've heard that the three's are worse!!
If you read someone for a long time, you see their child's progression from the mom being pregnant to a screaming newborn, to a crawler, and then the toddler stage. At this point, the sleep deprivation of the newborn weeks/months is a happy memory, and they are trying to not bitch slap the thing that replaced their sweet, innocent little baby.
Samantha has officially entered the "I am seriously trying not to toss you out the front door and lock it" stage. She has this...whine. If you tell her no, she immediately starts in with "Uuuueeeee". Or whatever it sounds like...you people know what I am talking about. And, depending on her level of sleep deprivation, the whine will quickly escalate into a screaming, throw-herself-on-the-floor tantrum. Depending on my level of patience, I either whip her up and set her on the stairs, yell at her and tell her to stop crying, or just step over her and leave the room. I am thinking I need to do the latter much. more. often.
The stairs thing is effective if she isn't yet in full tantrum. As is the "stop crying" command. What gets really, really, old is when the full tantrum happens oh...every 5 minutes or so. And you try throwing her in bed to take a nap and she just screams or yells for you or just flat out doesn't sleep. It is a never-ending cycle, especially in public, with anyone who doesn't have a toddler or hasn't had one for 20 years either feeling sorry for you ,or giving you judgemental looks. JUST WAIT PEOPLE.
I feel bad. I feel like all I do is yell. Or snap. (Speaking of...her latest thing to say? "Oh snap!" Which is super cute.) Her other latest thing? "NO WAY MOMMY!" Followed quickly by throwing herself on the floor. (or maybe she just trips and winds up on the floor, you never know)
me: "Sam, do you want milk or water for dinner?"
Sam: "Milk or water. Water or milk. JUICE!"
me: "Sam, you've already had a lot of juice today, do you want milk or water?"
Sam: "Juuuuiiiiiiice!!"
me: "Fine, you are having water."
Sam: "NO WAY MOMMY!!"
Another example that is super, duper frustrating?
me: "Sam, come over here and lay down so I can change your diaper."
Sam: "NO WAY MOMMY!"
And yes, sometimes I do just let her walk around with a diaper that is almost hanging to the floor, because she just. won't. cooperate. You know what happened then? She peed on the chair. Through her diaper. Sigh...
I know other people have it way worse. They have kids with autism, or just kids with much shorter fuses and much more stamina. And attention span. I know I don't have it that bad. Because nothing that been that terrible with her. But this "terrible two's"? Is getting on my nerves. And I've heard that the three's are worse!!
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