This Is What They Think

List 7 things your pet thought about today.

I have three pets. And all three have very different days.

Let’s start with Kabo. He’s 12 ½ and very much the old man/alpha male/awesome dog of the house.
1. I don’t want to wake up. Why does it hurt to get up? Can’t Kale just get out of my way? He’s so annoying.
2. Did she feed him before me again? Where is my breakfast? Oh wait…it is there in my bowl. She better not have forgotten my biscuits again. I can’t believe she would ever have the nerve to forget my biscuits.
3. Finally, they have left. I get to sleep. I’m going to go and hide from the little monsters.
4. Zzzzzzz……
5. SHE’S HOME SHE’S HOME SHE’S HOME!!
6. Wait, what’s going on? Food? Car ride? Walk? Where are we going????
7. I want to go out. Now I want to come in. Now I want to go out. Now it is time to come in and go to bed.

And then there is Kale. He turned one in February and never got over the fact that he was one puppy in a litter of twelve.

1. WAKEUPWAKEUP!! WHYWON’TEVERYONEWAKEUP????!!!
2. FOOD! WHERE IS MY BREAKFAST!?!
3. Where are the little people? Little People=Food.
4. Are we going anywhere? I want to go to daycare! HOW COULD YOU LEAVE WITHOUT ME???!!??!
5. SAMPSON!! Let’s wrestle!!!!!
6. SHE’S HOME? SHE’S HOME! DINNERTIME!!!!!
7. Snuggle me. Love me. Pet me. I love you.

Last, but never least, Sampson, our black cat. Who is more like a dog than any cat I’ve ever met. Albeit a snobby dog.

1. Streeeetcch…ahhh…that feels good.
2. I want to out outside. Now. I have things to do and houses to visit and patrols to make. Excuse me? This should be your first priority, letting me out.
3. Why hello, small humans at the bus stop. Why don’t you come over here and pet my belly before I climb that tree and you get on the loud, yellow, 4 wheeled contraption to go to “school.”
4. …. (I don’t know what Sampson is thinking here because he is generally gone all day.)
5. Well hello human! I believe you should let me in and give me fresh food in my bowl. I don’t care if there is already food there…I absolutely insist on freshness.
6. Sleep! Glorious, wonderful sleep! How I love this couch, keeps me cool and warm all at the same time.
7. Go away Kale. I warned you. Kale. Kale. Kale! KALE!!!!

This post brought to you by

Mama Kat's Pretty Much World Famous

Writer's Workshop

Writer's Workshop

"Workaholic...can you carry this upstairs for me? What? No, I'm not carrying anything myself. Why would I?"

"Workaholic, could you get me a glass of water? What? You are right next to the refrigerator and I don't care that you are going the other way."

"Workaholic? Workaholic? Oh...did you just leave the room and had to come back to see what I wanted? Sorry...I forgot what I needed to ask you."

"Oh! Hey! Get back in here! I just remembered."

"Do you realize that I was stuck home all day with the kids and did 5 loads of laundry and went to the grocery store? Now that you are home from working a 16 hour day, I think you should put the kids to bed. Oh, and they need showers too, both of them."

"Did you fix the electric in the basement? Did you take out the trash? Did you remember to feed the dog? Why do you put your dishes in the sink when there is a perfectly empty dishwasher right next to it?"

"Yes, I went to the store. No, I didn't buy any cookies. Or candy. Or ice cream. Or snack cakes."

"What are your plans for this evening?"

"Are you going upstairs?"

This post brought to you by Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop. The prompt I chose (if you couldn't tell) was "Something you do that drives your significant other CRAZY."

Writer's Workshop-Smile!

Write a list of 10 things that are sure to put a smile on your face when you are not happy.

I felt this was an especially appropriate prompt considering my mood lately. So here goes!!

10. Boat rides. Although lately, I have to admit, it’s been very difficult for me to get comfortable…so even though I really want to go, most of them time I really just want to get off and float in the lake.

9. Workaholic’s “duck voice.” He used to do it all the time when we were in college, but I don’t think I’ve heard it for years.

8. Strolling on Purdue’s campus…especially during nice weather. The flowers blooming, the bell tower chiming, the sound of the fountain…heaven.

7. Walking into Ross-Aid Stadium or Mackey Arena just before a football/basketball game. There is something magic about thousands of fans who all have one thing in common…love of Purdue. And with the band playing and the tingle of excitement in the air, there’s just nothing like it.

6. “Mr. Mom” by Lonestar. For some reason, hearing this song, even before I had Sam, chokes me up a little. It’s like, these guys get it. They know what moms go through. That it isn’t easy being us. I mean come on…how can you not smile when you hear this?

Well

Pampers melt in a Maytag dryer

Crayons go up one drawer higher

Rewind Barney for the fifteenth time

Breakfast, six naps at nine

There's bubble gum in the baby's hair

Sweet potatoes in my lazy chair

Been crazy all day long and it's only Monday

Mr. Mom

Then there is the very last part of the song, where I know they get it.

Balancin' checkbooks, juggling bills

Thought there was nothing to it

Baby, now I know how you feel

What I don't know is how you doooo iiiit.

And then they say, "Honey, you're my hero." Sigh.

5. “I’m Alright” by Jo Dee Messina. This is a song I have loved for years. I have very specific memories of driving up the US 52 hill going into West Lafayette on a gorgeous football Saturday, and driving down Coral Springs Drive in Florida in the pouring rain…and each time, I smiled.

I’m all, I’m all, I’m alright. It’s a beautiful day, not a cloud in sight, so I guess I’m doin’ all right.

I mean, come on. How can those lyrics not make you stop and appreciate the day, even if it is pouring down rain??

4. The Fonz…when he does this and this.

3. When I go into Samantha’s room at night, and she is sound asleep with her blanket wrapped around her head. I’ve actually seen her do it!

2. Watching Workaholic play with Sam. He is just so good with her, and it is so apparent how much she loves him.

1. Seeing my baby girl giggle.

Writer's Workshop-Before I Was a Mom

Before I was a mom…I watched hours of TV every day. I had time for things like Days of Our Lives, Dancing With the Stars, and re-runs of Jon & Kate Plus 8.

Before I was a mom…I drank every weekend. Excessively. I loved going to see my Piano Man and Joe the Karaoke Man.

Before I was a mom…I didn’t shop online nearly as much. Shopping for a toddler is so much more fun than shopping for yourself.

Before I was a mom…I thought nothing of running 12 errands in one day. Now I wonder how I ever had the time to do that.

Before I was a mom…I never understood how my sister could nap at the same time as her kids and be coherent when she woke up.

Before I was a mom…I still hated going to the grocery store.

Before I was a mom…I was still overweight.

Before I was a mom, I had more time on my hands and less patience. I was less tired and more spontaneous.

Other than that…honestly? Not a whole lot has changed. Except the whole, almost-an-alcoholic thing.

I have a whole lot more knowledge about all things va-jay-jay than I did before.
I have encountered a whole mommyblogger world that I never knew existed before.
I have more guilt now than I ever knew or believed existed in this world.

But I wouldn’t change any of it. Not for a second.

Writer's Workshop: Ex's and Poo

Every week, Mamakat suggests 5 things to write about, and you are supposed to write about one of them. Or all of them, or whatever. She doesn’t really care if you break the rules, she breaks her own rules all the time.

This week, one of the prompts was to list 5 people that you forgot about and felt as though they were due their 5 seconds of fame on your blog, and then expand on one of them. Another prompt was to describe a time you put your foot in your mouth. I am going to weave these two together so intricately, you won’t even notice! OK, so you will, but I can’t help but think about one without thinking about the other.

My five people are all ex’s. I don’t know what started me thinking about my ex’s from my teenage years, but I had recently remembered something which made me hang my head in shame, and then I read Mamakat’s orders, so I started thinking a lot more about that time so, so long ago. Mom…you may want to stop reading now.

1) My first (real) boyfriend. He was my first kiss, and I don’t really remember much else about him, other than a present he gave me for Valentine’s Day that I had to lie to my parents about where it came from; and how when we broke up, I didn’t really care. Sorry Chris!

2) My second boyfriend. We drank together, and consequently we fooled around more than I did with my first boyfriend, and I was crushed when he dumped me for his ex. CRUSHED. It’s not like I thought we were going to get married or anything, but I think it was the humiliation of it all. The funny thing is, I don’t really remember much about him either. Sorry Craig! (Wait…I’m not sorry, you cheated on me!!)

3) The guy I dated the summer before my senior year of high school. Or was it junior year? Oh hell, I don’t remember. We fooled around a bit, and drank together as much as teenagers with limited access to alcohol could. We had a similar group of friends, my friends were dating his friends. Convenient. All I really remember about him was that I loved his sister, he had blond hair and blue eyes (total cutie!!), and I stole a pair of his boxers. But I DO remember this is where my “diarrhea of the mouth” starts. It had to do with his ex-girlfriend who was coming to town for a visit, and if you refer back to #2, you can see why I might have been a bit nervous. It was totally rude and uncalled for and I am still embarrassed. Sorry Chris!

4) The guy I dated before my freshman year in college. We also had a group of friends who inter-dated, and there was much, much more alcohol involved at this point. I don’t remember much about him either, but my diarrhea of the mouth really kicked in on this one. It had to do with his DAD. Yeah, that’s right, I talked shit about his dad. I can’t blame it really on the alcohol, although there may have been a couple of beers in my system at the time. He was a super-nice guy, and I totally wasn’t nice to him. Sorry Jason!

5) This last guy can’t even be counted as an ex. I’m not going to lie, I don’t know his name. Here’s the thing, I NEVER knew his name.

Here is the extent of what I do remember. My friend from high school went to a different college than I did. She met a boy there, and after our freshman year, she wanted to go visit him. He lived in a different town maybe 45 minutes away. (But I can’t even remember which town!) So I agree to go because she is setting me up on a double-date because my current boyfriend was an ass...I wanted to get back at him.

We go to someone’s apartment, drink, and the guy was there. All I can literally remember is that he was tall-ish, with dark hair, and was sort of cute. Definitely not unattractive. Cuter than the ass that I was dating at the time. And we drank and maybe fooled around a bit. And then we went home. And I think maybe we went back once. And I talked to the boy on the phone.

His name was either Brandon or Andrew. And whichever one it was, I called him by the other. I am not kidding, when I called this guy, I asked for him using the wrong name. (Which I am sure was not a turn-off at all.) After a very short period of time, I think he tried to be nice and be like, “Umm…so yeah, I’m not really interested in you.” (shocking!) My friend told me that too, but for whatever reason, I felt compelled to keep trying to talk to this guy.

I can remember sitting on the floor of my parent’s bedroom, on their corded phone, and he’s talking to me, but not really talking, and basically telling me to take a hike, and I kept spewing these nonsense words! Like, if you were listening to the conversation, I sound like an insane stalker. He could not get me off of the phone; I just kept talking like we were dating. The one thing I do remember was he was saying that he had horses or his aunt had horses or something like that in southern Indiana. That was the wrong thing to say to me, because I LOVE horses. I wouldn’t care if he was Jeffrey Dahmer at this point; I just wanted to go horseback riding. I just couldn’t be like, “OK, so it was nice to meet you. Have a nice life.”

I didn’t even know this guy! Like, even a little bit! I couldn't even get his name right! And I really didn’t even CARE to get to know this guy! I think I just didn’t want to be rejected again. The greatest part of the story is that my friend wound up marrying the guy she met freshman year. And all he knows of me is this one incident with Brandon/Andrew. So when I saw them at our 10 year high school reunion, he was all, “Oh yeah, Brandon/Andrew has 2 kids and is married” or something like that. And I just stared blankly at him. Because he called him by the wrong name, and it took me a full 3 seconds to realize who the hell he was even talking about, and THEN my face turned six shades of red. How embarrassing, 9 years later. So I guess I owe my friend and her husband an apology for being completely insane.

Sadly, that is not even my worst case of diarrhea of the mouth. The most memorable times are after I’ve had a lot to drink, because at that point, there is just no sensor. If I think it, I say it. Which can be very, very bad. And even though I really don’t remember much about these guys, (and that is because I didn’t know much about them to begin with), they have the distinct honor of being the first recipients of me. Sticking my foot in my mouth. Thanks MamaKat, for bringing up such fabulous memories. It was fun!

Writer's Workshop-My Dad

I'm participating in Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop this week, due to some recent events, I thought it very appropriate...

3.) What does that tell you about your father? List five products your father used (or uses). Write a longer piece about, at least, one of them.

Five products my dad uses…

1. Total/oatmeal. Dad eats super healthy, and has since I can remember. He used to eat Total cereal every morning, and then the doctor told him there was too much iron? maybe in that, so he switched to plain oatmeal with raisins. Every. single. morning.

2. New Balance running shoes. OK, so he doesn’t use these really anymore. Along with the super healthy eating came daily vigorous exercise. It used to be running. Then his feet started bothering him, and his hip, so he had to give that up for the Stairmaster and elliptical machine and swimming. Which he doesn’t enjoy nearly as much, but he wants to stay healthy. And he does it every. single. morning.

3. Aspirin/saw palmetto/multi-vitamin. Again, healthy living. He takes an aspirin every. single. day because that is what the doctor told him to do. Same with the saw palmetto…prostate health. And duh on the multi-vitamin.

4. Ziebart. Yeah…the rust-proofing company. He buys a new truck about when it is absolutely necessary (when one is totaled or deemed un-drivable by Toyota), and the first stop is always Ziebart for rust-proofing. And if his beautiful truck gets dented?? Well…you fix it, otherwise it might rust.

5. Overnight bag. Dad’s a pilot, so he has a bag that he uses when he needs to be gone overnight. It’s a black, leather one that he got from Purdue. Because why pay for something when you got a perfectly good one for free???

It wasn’t hard for me to come up with this list. My dad was raised by parents who lived through the Depression, so you take care of what you have, don’t buy something new unless you absolutely need it, and did I mention take care of what you have?? When his truck was taken from him by Toyota, he found a way to retro-fit his old camper top to the new truck. And when he accidentally lowered the garage door onto said camper top, he was sooo upset because he “lowered the value of it.” (Umm…dad? Probably not worth much before it was dented. I mean, it was like, a jillion years old!)

And while flying is dad’s career, it also has defined his life. He adjusted his lifestyle to accommodate the healthy food and made time for exercise because he loves flying, and wanted to make sure no one ever had an excuse to tell him that he was not allowed to fly. He has had to change plans hundreds of times because something at work came up, and he had to fly. I know lots of other kids’ dads have had the same thing…can’t make a recital/game/play because of work. It happens, and especially in that generation, you work because you need to support your family (because people haven’t always been so lucky to have a job and be able to do so) and so you make it at the top of your list. People rarely work for the same company for 42 years anymore, but my dad has. When retirement calls, whether sooner or later, I know dad will be fine. Yes, he’ll miss flying. But give him his oatmeal and his exercise and his multi-vitamin, and he can get in his Ziebart-ed truck to go golfing. If he’s lucky, he’ll be able to pack his overnight bag to try out a new course.

Lacking in...

Mama Kat proposed a very interesting writers workshop this week. Ask someone who loves you what one of your weaknesses is. Hmm…OK, so I’ll ask Workaholic, since it’s easiest. I was for sure he was going to say something like motivation or being lazy or having a big mouth. But instead, he has to just stab me in the heart and say self-confidence.

Ouch. OK, to be fair, I completely agree. But that’s the first thing you think of? I suppose it’s all related…what’s the point in having some huge goal when you probably aren’t going to reach it? And if you don’t have a goal, it’s really easy to be lazy. Hmm…he might be on to something here.

My family would probably totally disagree, and be all, “Gail, you are totally confident! You don’t have a problem at all!” I really think they just have this opinion because I have little impulse control around them, so I say what I think, and that could be confused with confidence. I can talk the talk, but not walk the walk.

For example, one time I went with my brother-in-law and his friend to a bar in a random town. I am NOT used to going to bars without a girlfriend where I know NO ONE, in fact, most of the bars I go to, (or at least used to go to) I would like because of the people, not necessarily because it was the awesome place to go. When I was in college, it was the Neon Cactus, and the piano bar, we went so much that the piano man knew us. After college it became this little pub I’d go to in Michigan with my in-laws (because Workaholic was earning his nickname and I was bored).

So we go into this bar and I talked to a couple of girls for about 5 seconds in the very itty bitty teeny tiny small bathroom. About a half hour later, I decided to try to get a dance party going on the empty dance floor. (BTW, I can’t dance.) I apparently thought that these girls and I were now besties since we had said hello, so I go up to one of the girls and was all, “Come on! Let’s dance!” I might’ve even grabbed her hand. And she seriously looks at me and goes, “Do I know you?” You know, with that tone. Ouch. OK, nevermind. I’m pretty sure at that point I started drinking much. more. heavily. So that has nothing to do with confidence, but lack of impulse control that comes with Miller Lite.

I was especially bad at this in high school, when alcohol was only partly to blame. (sorry mom) I shudder to think about how I interacted with some of the boys I dated. All I’m going to say is, “Stalk much?” (OK, I wasn’t a certifiable stalker, but just a little overzealous. I just wanted some attention damnit!) So if any of you ex’s are out there and reading this…especially ones from high school, all I can say is, sorry ‘bout that. I’m really not crazy.

I guess I need to work on this self-confidence thing. I tried once at work, and let’s just say that not only was I thrown under the bus, but it was backed up over me and then the driver got out and pissed on me. So that didn’t help. I try to fake it, like going out to a strange bar in a strange city, but I typically wind up self-judging and comparing myself to all the other girls in the bar. (what is it with girls and competition??) Anyone have any suggestions? Poor little Sam doesn’t need me to pass on my issues…