Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Excuse Me...Death? Really...I've Had Enough.

I try not to do sad blogs more than once in a row. I mean, that’s just depressing, and I really don’t like to be that depressing on here. But then I thought, you know, Fuck. That. Because it is the holidays, and sad shit has been happening, and as much as I do this to sort of keep my family and friends updated on my life, I also use it as an outlet. I have a headache from trying not to cry today, so I have to get this out. So if you don’t want to be sad, just click over here.

Death has been surrounding me lately. It started a few weeks ago, although at the time, I didn’t realize it was the start to anything. If you can’t tell, I am pretty close with my in-laws. They are pretty great people, and they take great care of Samantha. Since they’ll watch her at least once a week, I talk to them rather frequently. So when I heard that the best man in their wedding died around Thanksgiving, my heart just broke for them.

The natural progression of life sort of states that you have to bury your parents and grandparents. It is very sad, and often will have profound impact on you, but it is to be expected. Burying a child is never expected and never acceptable. What is just awful is when you have to see your friends suffer through an illness and then pass away. Especially friends that you have had your whole life. People who know secrets from when you were kids and doing stupid things like swimming in the community pool in the middle of the night and getting chased by the cops. There is something to losing a friend that makes you look twice at your own mortality.

About a week ago, we realized that Buster was in his final hours. We were able to let him slip away peacefully and hopefully as painlessly as possible. He was surrounded by those he loved, but that was another heartbreak for my in-laws. A couple of days after Buster passed; the family was again surprised by the death of my FIL’s close friend. The two men were vacationing together in Florida. While it was his friend’s time, it doesn’t make it any less painful or gut-wrenching.

This is where it gets even worse. (as if that is possible) I got to work on Monday morning to find out that one of the men who works here wife passed away suddenly on Friday. She was only 55, and they have two college aged sons. All I could think of was that these 3 men have to get through the holidays without their wife and mother, and then have to get through each next holiday without her. To bury a parent may be expected, but that doesn’t make it any less painful. And for the husband, he is so happy all the time, I can’t imagine the sadness that now envelopes his life.

The next day, my very good friend Jennifer had to let go of her yellow lab, Buck. And my other very good friend, Dr. Nadene, who was gracious enough to come up and help us let go of Buster, was the one to help Jennifer. Buck and Buster had a lot in common. People often underestimate the effect that pets have on our lives. But Buck was there through moves and divorce and sickness and sadness. Buster was there for long-term sicknesses and deaths, and he was there when all the boys moved out of the house, and back in, and then back out again. In short, those two dogs were there for my friend and family through thick and thin, good and bad, every. single. day. When you feel like no one else in the world cares about you, they will come up and put their chin on your knee or give you a hug and let you know that they love you. And in the end, sometimes that is all you need.

I found out this morning that a woman named Rose who used to work for my company passed away Monday from a 4 month battle with cancer. She was one of the first women who I interacted with when I started here, and was always super nice and helpful to the new, young kid. While she hasn’t worked here in about 4 years, I feel for her family and friends who have lost a terrific lady.

I also found out this morning that one of the young men who works not far from me in our office lost his father. This guy is younger than me, and I can’t imagine losing either one of my parents at this point. And then a woman who works here also lost her brother-in-law. She is an incredibly happy and upbeat person, and to see her sad just reinforces how death affects all of us.

I know that death happens every day, and I may just be noticing it because I am looking for it. But I really don’t think so. I have been fortunate in my life to never lose anyone close in age to me that was also close to me. I am the youngest of 27 grandchildren, and we are all still alive. And all of my cousin’s kids are also still alive and healthy. And now those kids are starting to have kids, and so far, knock on wood, they are healthy. So I am not sure how I would react if I lose someone close to me like the people I’ve listed above. I’d probably just curl up in a ball and cry. I know I’d hug my boy and girl and dog. I think I’ll go home tonight and do that anyway.


Anonymous said...

Holy shit Gail... You WIN! And it's not good in this circumstance. Thank you for the kind words about yellow dog. It made me get the kleenex out. Which I couldn't get open and almost through across the room in frustration. Your words were so well written and hit the nail on the head. Love you babe. Hugs to ALL of you up north!!

Lumbergh said...

One of the nicest cast members we ever met - only 42 - had her husband die of a heart attack in October. On their second wedding anniversary.

I was there the night they did this show, and Ill never be able to watch the video again without tearing up.

And Olivia from Sesame Street died today.

Merry Christmas :(