So I am totally not a fan of co-sleeping, but when we go to the cottage in Michigan, Sam doesn't have her own bed anymore. Damn kid outgrew the pack n play. So she either sleeps with Oma and Papa or me and Workaholic. It used to be she would climb the stairs and throw her hand backward and say, "Nite mom, I'm sleeping with Oma. See you later."
But ever since this summer started, she has this thing that she just has to sleep with mommy. Bonus if daddy is there, but she is quite adamant about sleeping with mommy. I feel flattered, but also am exhausted most to of the time. Because Sam, like most little kids, is a cuddler.
You see, I am not a cuddler. Workaholic and I have had real, honest-to-God fights about the fact that I will not sleep in the nook of his arm. He says that I must not really love him if I don't want to lay on him all. night. long. But seriously, who can sleep like that other than people on soap operas and Private Practice?? TV totally puts unrealistic expectations on us...but I'll not go into that now.
So I was laying there the other night, trying my best to make due with the 12 inches of bed I was allotted, and I figured that if I rolled over and snuggled up to Sam, maybe even throw my arm over her, I'd have a little more room. And you know what?? It wasn't that bad. I was able to fall asleep, and sort of stay asleep for most of the night. True, I woke up exhausted and a little achy, but there really is something about sleeping all snuggled up with a little kid. I get why co-sleepers do it...just not all the time.
But while I was trying to fall asleep, I thought of something else. Little kids rarely remember much that happens in their lives before the age of 5. And you know what? That SUCKS. Because Sam won't ever remember our beloved Buster. She won't remember her first time on the beach. She won't remember playing on campus or Easter egg hunting (this year) or when the giraffe ate her cracker. And she won't remember cuddling up with me the other night.
There is so much cool stuff that we do with our kids, and they remember, like, none of it. I have few memories of my childhood...although I am sure that my parents read books to me and cuddled with me, I don't recall any of it. While I know that it is super important in my kid's development to do all the parent-y stuff, like cuddle and give hugs and read books and tell them that I love them, the pure fact is that if I died tomorrow, Sam would have precious few memories of me and Charlie wouldn't have any. And that just sucks.
That doesn't mean that I'm not going to keep making those memories. (I may try to get more of them on video) But when it really comes down to it, the things you do when kids can't remember form who they are as adults. So I'll try to not lose my cool as much. I'll try to cuddle more. And give more hugs. And try to be the awesome person I want my kids (and dogs) think that I am.