I am big on giving things labels. It is fun, and usually makes people giggle. I'm not really serious, but it get my point across. I LOVE labeling myself, but I don't really like to tell anyone my current label. They range from PPD to ADD. OCD is one of my FAVORITES. I've never really seen myself as much of an OCD person though. I am not fastidious about keeping the fringe on my rugs straight, I don't wash my hands 13 times after I pee, and I know once I set my alarm clock I don't have to get out of bed to check it 5 times. I have trust in my way of life, the way I do things. If I did it, then I did it.
I've been doing some deep-thinking, re-evaluating of my personality. Like, do I have low thyroid, or am I just lazy? (blood tests don't look good on the low thyroid front) Am I ADD, or just too lazy to really dig into a problem to find the real solution? Do I have asthema, or is not being able to breathe really a side effect of exercise? Deep, deep questions, people.
My main problem most of my life has been motivation. I just don't have it. To do anything. I do what I have to do to not get in trouble. I often find myself thinking, "If I am not going to do something perfectly, what is the point of doing it at all? Why clean out THIS closet when there are 5 others that need to be cleaned and organized too? Why exercise if it will only help NOW, and if I stop I will lose everything I gained? Why train Kale to do one thing when Kabo knows all these commands that Kale doesn't know?" (Hey, never said I was rational.)
So let's recap...low thyroid, ADD, and PPD?
I would now like to add OCD to the list. And OCD just might be the root cause of all of my problems.
I have this need to do things just the right way. MY WAY. And if things aren't done MY WAY, then why do them at all? Why clean the house if I can't put the girls' toys into organized little bins? (I don't have said bins yet. And the thought of going through all those toys makes my head spin.) Might as well just leave them all over the place, that is where they will end up anyways. Why work with Kale on training his Stay when I only have a few minutes today, and he won't get it or retain it, and then I won't be able to work with him for a week?
Might as well sit on the couch and watch this show. What is the point of doing something at all if I can't do it perfectly, so less than half assed is just as good as 90%. (Who thinks like that????)
Workaholic is somewhat the same as me on the OCD front. However, his response is COMPLETELY OPPOSITE. He strives to do his best, all the time. He strives for PERFECTION. And oftentimes will get damn near close to it. And he spends A LOT of time doing it. And that just looks exhausting to me. However, I do enjoy the fruits of his labor, even if it is only changing a light bulb on a fixture I can't reach without a ladder.
Am I the only one who is like this? Why do something at all if you can't do it perfect? And perfect is an impossible goal, so...
The thing is, I have noticed that the times when I do strive for perfection, I am usually very happy with the results. The other day I went through Charlie's closet, put all the clothes that were too small into bins, and then put those bins in the attic. Along with the Christmas bins that have been sitting out for the past 3 weeks. Even before I vacummed (who are we kidding, I STILL haven't vacummed), I was thrilled with the results. I was so happy to be able to reach into her closet and not have to wonder if the pants I just grabbed are one of the pairs that are too short. And while her closet isn't perfect, and the organization of the bins in the attic isn't perfect either, I was happy. Maybe because it was done MY WAY. That is the best way, after all.
I try telling myself that as long as I don't wind up on the show Hoarders, I will be happy. But really, I would be SUPER HAPPY if everything had its place. And that place wasn't just a certain spot on the floor. Now I just need to get Workaholic on board to do things MY WAY. Because that really is the best way. At least in my head.