Monday, July 23, 2012

Are You There Brain?

I'm losing my mind. Wait, scratch that, I lost it a while back.

Let me illustrate.

Before Memorial Day, as I was packing up a bunch of things to go to the lake, I put my jewelry in a "safe place" where I "wouldn't forget where it is." Yeah, it isn't in that safe place. Or anywhere else I have looked. I try really hard not to think about it and hope that it will just reappear. If I dwell too long on it, I get sick to my stomach.

Earlier in May, I backed into Workaholics van not once, but twice. I did like, $4000 worth of damage.

Around the 4th of July, I got too close to my friend's mailbox pulling up next to it. While she was leaning out the window towards it. So not only did I almost take off my friend's arm, I also broke my side mirror to the tune of $633. (yeah, it'll be a while before that gets replaced)

When I ordered Sam and Charlie's flower girl dresses for the wedding they are in this weekend, I ordered two different colors. They are not supposed to be wearing two different colors.

On Friday, I bought a bunch of snacks and a pint of milk to take on a weekend trip. And then proceeded to leave the milk in the back of my van. Where I discovered it today, Monday. After a weekend of 100 degree temperatures. Yes, it leaked.

Our house has been torn apart and has furniture and boxes stacked everywhere. This is enough to make me feel unstable, and I guess that Kale feels the same way. Last week he got diarrhea. On Thursday. I had just had the carpets cleaned 2 days before. He got it again this morning, but in a different room. So you know, instead of getting one room's carpet re-cleaned, I get to do two. (he also threw up on Saturday, but at least had the courtesy to do it on the tile)

I stopped at the vet's office to pick up medicine for Kale today, and walked into the building, leaving my car running.

After we got home from the vet's office, we went into the house. I left the door to the garage open. And didn't realize it for 15 minutes.

In June, I lost my camera. My awesome camera, the one where it is almost impossible to take a bad picture, and it is just a simple point-and-shoot camera. Workaholic found it on a shelf a few weeks later. A shelf that he had told me was putting electronics on, so they didn't get wet or destroyed by young children. I was so excited, I threw it in my purse so I would be sure to take it to a wedding we were going to last weekend. When I took it out, it is broken. Go figure.

I lost my cat. Different story for a different post. Workaholic is convinced he will return home soon, I have a deep feeling of dread in my soul.

The first and last ones are the most painful for me. I have this weird outlook on life, this little belief in my head, that bad things don't happen to me. (of course they do, they happen to everyone) But whenever something bad happens, it takes me a while to realize the gravity of the situation. My grandparents died when I was in my teens. I was well into my 20s before I really grieved and was aware of how acutely painful it was to not have them around. And grandparents are supposed to die before you. 

I remember telling one of my best friends that if I had kids in this house, just shoot me. We'd been here about a year, and barely were engaged. We now have two kids in this house. I never thought that we would be here 8 years. It could easily be another one or two. I didn't think we would be the people who got stuck.

No matter how much I try to ignore it, the feeling of being overwhelmed isn't going away. 

I know what I need to do. I need to focus on my job. Focus on what I can do. Focus on getting through this. And then I can say, I DID IT. 

Everyone has challenges in life. Everyone has difficult times. How did you guys get through them? And be stronger for it??  

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