Yes...I am Old

***Warning…if you don’t like vulgarity or profane language and general ranting…then move on folks!***

Last Saturday, Workaholic and I decided to go to the Purdue/Michigan State men’s basketball game. Rephrase, I decided that Workaholic needed to go. Rephrase, Dr. Nadene decided that Workaholic needed to go. It had been more than 10 years since he attended a game in Mackey Arena, and this was a BIG game. ESPN College GameDay was there, Michigan State was ranked 17 in the nation. BIG GAME.

I won’t tell you the guilt I received after telling him that Dr. Nadene demanded his attendance. I will say that there was text after text of, “Can I stay home” and “I need to work in order to get paid.” I finally told him we’d get a sitter so he could work and I would go by myself. After that was sent, he came home.

There was also a mad rush to get said sitter. I called my go-to favorite, who was still sleeping. At noon. And her mom’s phone was dead. So I posted on facebook and sent texts galore trying to find someone. Then I got a returned phone call and WHEW! we got our sitter.

So we get to the game, after a delicious dinner of country fried steak and mashed potatoes and wonderfully bland gravy, and the place is a-rockin’. Music is playing, fans are randomly cheering and chanting, and the Paint Crew is excited and ready to rattle the Spartans. We get to our seats, and in front of us are sitting “The Newlyweds.”

I call them this because I am fairly certain that they just graduated in May, got married last summer, and this is their first basketball game NOT in the student section. The guy, who was sitting in front of me, was tall and wide. Not like, Big and Tall kind of tall and wide, but tall and wide enough to completely block my view of the court when he was standing. Which he did. Often. His new wife kept telling him to sit down, and he would say, and I quote, “I don’t have to sit down, I can stand the whole game if I want to.” Umm…yeah, maybe if you are in the student section. But not here in the alumni section where people are over the age of 30 and actually want to WATCH the game.

(Now, don’t get me wrong. I like to stand and jump up and down just as much if not more than the next person. But I do it at the appropriate time. Which is not at a free throw. Or just before a layup. And if I know that I am blocking the people behind me, I sit down after the excitement, rather than keep standing while the team is simply dribbling down the court and NO ONE else in the entire section is standing.)

Speaking of inappropriate blocking of people behind you, Mrs. Newlywed had a sign. It was this little State Farm sponsored sign that they had given out in the morning to wave during the Game Day show on ESPN. OK chica. You went to the show. Big deal…I have two kids and a real job and a house and live 2 ½ hours (for all intensive purposes) away. I did not go through what it took me to get to this game to SEE THE BACK OF YOUR FUCKING SIGN!!!

Speaking of seeing the backs of things, I saw entirely too much kissy-kissy smoochy-smoochy, butt-grabbing, inappropriate crotch touching during the game. Hey assholes…GO GET A FUCKING ROOM!! These two actually STOOD UP during the Kiss-Cam portion of the game and tried to get on the Jumbotron. Which I couldn’t see because lard ass was standing in front of me the whole time and was blocking not only the court, but also the Jumbotron. You know, that huge things that hangs from the ceiling? Yeah, couldn’t see it.

What made things worse was how crowded and packed in we were. You see, rarely does a game truly “sell-out”. All of the tickets might be sold, but there are always people who can’t make it to the game, even though they are holding tickets. This game? Was a true sell-out. (Minus the two tickets of my sister's...she couldn't go because her kids were sick.) So for the majority of the first half, not only was I staring at a big back and “State Farm”, I was also sitting sideways on the front half of my bleacher seat with my knees in Mr. Newlywed’s back. Could it have had to do with all the jumping up he did? No, surely not. Their butts fit comfortably on their bleachers, whereas somewhere down the line on ours, someone was getting more than their fair share.

All in all, the assholes only ruined the first half of the game for me. And yes, I did pretty much miss a few of the plays in the last couple of minutes, but at that point, everyone was jumping up and down. Workaholic missed the whole game because he switched places with me after I proclaimed (loudly) “I CAN’T EVEN SEE THE FUCKING JUMBOTRON!!” Good thing he doesn’t really care about sports.

Moral of the story? When you go to a game, especially one where people in the stands CARE about what is going on down on the court, be considerate. Understand who is around you and deal with the fact that you are no longer a college student. You are not the first class to ever graduate and have to come back, and trust us…the rest of us survived. And we have given way more money than you have. SO SIT YOUR ASS DOWN. Or at least go get a room.