I've mentioned before how I don't deal with change well.
In January, new K left us and J joined us. That went...OK.
The other day, we had to let J go. She left for the day, and Workaholic didn't hear her say she was leaving, and she didn't take Charlie to him, and so Charlie was left all alone in the house for about 10 minutes.
In 10 minutes she played in my vanity.
While I am not one to usually envision worse case scenario, in 10 minutes she could have gone outside and wandered into the street and gotten hit by a car. Or stolen by a stranger. Or fallen and hit her head and be all alone, unconscious...until I pulled into the driveway and found her.
But it still took about 30 minutes of pondering how I could rationalize with an outraged Workaholic to allow J to return to us for me to realize that I just could not trust her with my girls anymore. If she was that blase about leaving, when else was she so casual about? I was sad, but immediately started worrying about my childcare situation. Charlie was fine, and I needed to keep her and Sam that way.
Yesterday I spent the day running around, figuring out what the heck I am going to do with them while I am at work.
Workaholic came home in the morning, and informed me that the 2 hours I thought I was getting to run errands had been reduced to 45 minutes. My brain started racing, as it is wont to do when I am experiencing change.
I have to go to the doctor's office. If the girls are going to get into daycare then I have to get a copy of their immunizations. I wonder if I should call the doctor on the way there so they can have it all ready. I wonder if I will have time to run by the post office and Walgreens. I hope that I can arrange a part time payment instead of paying full time, it seems like such a waste of money to pay for 5 days when they will only be there 2 or 3. I think I'll call ahead to the doctor....WHATTHEHELLWASTHATNOISE????
In backing out of the garage, I had managed to hit Workaholic's van. With the front of my van. How does one do that?? Oops. Oopsy. Big oopsy. I managed to damage the front bumper, front quarter panel, the windshield washer holder thing, and possibly the hood. When I drove away, it made this sound when I turned because the wheel well was rubbing against my tire. And I thought there was no damage because when I got out and looked at our vehicles, I looked at the BACK of my car. I hit him with the FRONT. I will never live this down. Like, ever. In 20 years, my in-laws will be sitting around talking about the one time that Charlie was left all alone in the house with a butcher knife for an hour and I how backed into Workaholic's van, totaling both vehicles. (What? Stories don't grow in your family?)
A couple of hours later, we were headed over to J's apartment to return some things she had left at our house and to pick up things of ours that she had. Plus, her and the girls needed to say good-bye. I anticipated an awkward and sad encounter, and hadn't thought to pop a Xanex ahead of time. I was nervous about what J would say, if she would try to get her job back or argue with me or start a fight. I just didn't know.
Sam was not in a good mood, and she spent most of the car ride over telling me that she was NOT going to go into J's house! I had forgotten her shoes, and that 3 year old tone just got to me. I finally said, "Sam, you have to go in to see J because this will be the last time you will ever see her!" I really felt that honesty was the best policy and I really just did not know what else to tell her.
Cue the whiny crying. "Why, momma, why?"
"Because you are going to go to school now, Sam."
Her response was immediate and harsh, "I am NOT going to go to SCHOOL!"
We walk into J's apartment after a fight over whether I would carry Sam without shoes or Charlie, who is perfectly capable of walking herself in, but didn't want me to carry Sam and not her. Juggling 2 kids, the diaper bag and the bag with J's things was just fantastic, and a spectacle all people of child-bearing age should witness.
Sam wandered around for a few seconds then said in her best pathetic little girl whiny voice, "J, this is the last time I'm ever going to see you! I'm going to miss you soooo much."
Cue J choking up.
We got out of there as fast as we could.
Change, it is awesome.