They will love, honor, and cherish each other through sickness and health, for richer or richer, and the women will obey. (OK, maybe no one actually said obey, but you know the guys were thinking it!)
After the final wedding, I realized that there are a few key things that need to happen in order for a guest who is also a parent to have fun. That and there are just some songs, that no matter how much you think they are just SO CLICHE, that absolutely should be played at a wedding reception. (It just isn't a real celebration until you have line danced.)
1. If you are a parent, either leave your kids at home or hire a nanny to come with you. Yes, that's right...I said HIRE A NANNY. That means that it isn't just Gail and Workaholic, it is Gail and Workaholic plus one. During dinner, you get to eat. After dinner, you get to mingle and chat with people that you only see at weddings and funerals. And during the dance portion of the evening, the nanny takes your kids out to the car to watch a movie, pee in the car seat, and then act as your designated driver for the ride home. It is a win-win for everyone! (It is better to hire someone if you can afford it than bring along a family member, especially a grandparent, to act as a babysitter. The guilt factor is just too much.)
2. Now, #1 says to hire a nanny, but really, the best option is to leave the kids at home. An even better option is to hire someone for at least 24 hours, so you can have fun at night and not have to worry about the darn kids waking you up the next day. OR, even BETTER, leave the kids at home with the husband and the dogs and go to an out-of-town wedding stag. Dance like a fool with your cousins and then go throw your migraine up in the banquet hall toilet. (Be THAT cousin who puked in the bathroom.) And then rebound and stay until the very. end. of the reception. And then sleep until noon at the hotel. THAT'S the way to do it.
3. For a wedding to be a real success...open bar. Enough said.
4. Dance. Dance like Kevin Bacon in Footloose. Be a fool. Dance like no one is watching. Because really...no one is. No one will remember how you were dancing, because there is an open bar. (unless there is a videographer...in which case, well...just be aware that you are on camera for the rest of eternity)
5. Talk to people you normally might never talk to. Just plop your ass right down next to them and say hello. You know what? They'll say hello back. And if the conversation starts to get awkward, just scream "I LOVE THIS SONG!" and run out to the dance floor.
6. Be sure to tell everyone how much you love them. Preferably, tell them that you "heart" them. And how they are your most favoritest people in the whole wide world. Be sure to say that to everyone you talk to.
I am sure that I have lots more tips, but basically...eat, drink, be merry. Dance your fool head off.
Speaking of dancing, wedding are the best places in the world for white people to get their groove on. I tried to get several men on the dance floor over the past three weeks, and each time I was told, "I don't dance, I'm white." Whatever.
The following songs are a must...trust me, I'd been to 40 weddings by the time I was 21, so I know.
- "Old Time Rock n Roll" - As a little kid, I was the one to request this at each and every one of my cousin's weddings. I swear, there was one time that they played it three times, and that was the best. wedding. ever.
- "Love Shack" - Wanna get people on the dance floor shaking their groove thing? There will be shaking and jumping and screaming of the lyrics. Fun will be had.
- "Shout" - Yes, Shout. At my cousin's son's wedding, it was decided that not only was it played at the mother's wedding, but also her mother's wedding. The song stands the test of time.
- "Summer of 69" - Did you know that Bryan Adams was 9 years old in the summer of 1969? I don't think he was talking about the year when he wrote the song...and everyone knows it.
- "Footloose" - Yes, another song from the 80s. But there is nothing like watching a bunch of people standing in a circle on the dance floor kicking their feet out and doing the Willard Shuffle. And knowing exactly what they are trying to emulate. And then running out to join them.
- "Wonderful Tonight" - Since most of the guests will NOT be in their prime, they need a break every now and then with a slow song. This one'll get even the laziest of husbands on the dance floor.
- "The Electric Slide" - I don't care how corny and 90s it is. Everyone knows it, and grandma will like watching the kids and adults trip over their feet.
"The Devil Went Down to Georgia"
Bonus points if someone hands me the microphone.
I am sure there are a ton of other songs that you MUST hear at a wedding reception. What are your favorites?