Monday, May 19, 2008
America, we have a problem
Do you ever have those moments of epiphanies? Where you realize something that you have heard all along is so beyond true? I now realize just how much of a problem obesity in America is. I was at the beach yesterday. For most of the day. Just sitting on a chair, under an umbrella, because on the first day of my vacation I spent 3 hours in the blazing sunlight, lounging by the pool, in waay not enough sunscreen. Anyway, I was also reading a book and listening to my iPod, and just gazing at the wondrous mound of flesh lying in front of me. She was young, early twenties, and should not have been wearing a bikini. I mean this in the nicest way possible. OK, maybe not. I really don’t know where she got a bikini to fit her. Maybe she just really wanted to show off the ginormous tattoo of the black cat on her back, or maybe she really wanted to tan her multiple roll stomach, or maybe she just felt that everyone wanted to play the game of "When do you think her boobs will fall out of her top?" (I was placing bets in my head) Whatever the reason, I found myself getting kind of mad at her. I mean, I like wearing bikinis, but I know that I don’t look like what I did in high school or college, or even what I looked like 3 years ago. So I opted for a one piece, because I was going to be in public. A nice, stomach concealing, one piece. She did not feel that any of her should be concealed. Ugh. But the thing is, she wasn’t the only one. Most of the women there should not have been wearing string bikinis. I mean, come on ladies, at some point in your life, you need more than a thin piece of fabric to hold up those girls. And when the string on the bottoms is almost hidden in your love handles, maybe you should have opted for a bikini that had actual fabric on the sides. You can get just as nice a tan with a little cloth covering you. I actually understand why young men, or old men, walking down the beach ogle at those young things who deserve to wear the little string bikinis. Hell, I was ogling them!! Does this epiphany mean that I am going to completely change my life and start eating healthy and exercising so I can look awesome in a bikini?? Umm…no. It means that I will learn how to nap more at the beach.