Friday, April 3, 2009


You know how this morning I was all like, "OK...back to work, not so bad."? Yeah...

I think this going back to work thing is messing me up. I am picking stupid fights with Workaholic, (and of course he knows nothing and sees no reason for me to be emotional, because I haven't shared my feelings lately, and so generally thinks that I am just a mean person) I'm getting pissed off at the stupidest of things, and generally just want to cry.

I am greeted when I get home by a very happy Fonz, who continues to be very clingy all evening. My little girl is also happy to see me, but I feel so out of the loop. How much did she sleep today? How has she eaten? Is she hungry now or sleepy now and how long is she going to play with me before she gets to be one of those? And I feel like I should just hold her and play with her, to make up for the fact that I ditched her all day (with a very loving grandma). But I am also exhausted and the dishwasher needs to be emptied, and oh yeah...I am also starving. Plus there is laundry to do and there is some sticky shit all over the floor.

I know, this is the life of a working mom. And I can do it, it'll all get done, or if it doesn't, the world won't fall apart. In my head, I know that. But in my heart, it hurts. I just wish that I could be as common sense about it on the inside as I am on the outside. And as I sit and type this, Samantha is with her daddy in the bathroom, getting ready for her bath, and when she goes to bed, I probably will too. The pre-baby me would've stayed up watching the series finale of ER (because I really can't wait to watch it and probably will even though I know I should go to bed). However, the post-baby me might just go to bed. We'll see.

Everyone says that having a baby changes your life. And how it is so hard, but totally worth it. Right now, this hard part sucks!! Too bad maternity leave isn't, like, a year paid. That would be nice.

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