Lacking in...

Mama Kat proposed a very interesting writers workshop this week. Ask someone who loves you what one of your weaknesses is. Hmm…OK, so I’ll ask Workaholic, since it’s easiest. I was for sure he was going to say something like motivation or being lazy or having a big mouth. But instead, he has to just stab me in the heart and say self-confidence.

Ouch. OK, to be fair, I completely agree. But that’s the first thing you think of? I suppose it’s all related…what’s the point in having some huge goal when you probably aren’t going to reach it? And if you don’t have a goal, it’s really easy to be lazy. Hmm…he might be on to something here.

My family would probably totally disagree, and be all, “Gail, you are totally confident! You don’t have a problem at all!” I really think they just have this opinion because I have little impulse control around them, so I say what I think, and that could be confused with confidence. I can talk the talk, but not walk the walk.

For example, one time I went with my brother-in-law and his friend to a bar in a random town. I am NOT used to going to bars without a girlfriend where I know NO ONE, in fact, most of the bars I go to, (or at least used to go to) I would like because of the people, not necessarily because it was the awesome place to go. When I was in college, it was the Neon Cactus, and the piano bar, we went so much that the piano man knew us. After college it became this little pub I’d go to in Michigan with my in-laws (because Workaholic was earning his nickname and I was bored).

So we go into this bar and I talked to a couple of girls for about 5 seconds in the very itty bitty teeny tiny small bathroom. About a half hour later, I decided to try to get a dance party going on the empty dance floor. (BTW, I can’t dance.) I apparently thought that these girls and I were now besties since we had said hello, so I go up to one of the girls and was all, “Come on! Let’s dance!” I might’ve even grabbed her hand. And she seriously looks at me and goes, “Do I know you?” You know, with that tone. Ouch. OK, nevermind. I’m pretty sure at that point I started drinking much. more. heavily. So that has nothing to do with confidence, but lack of impulse control that comes with Miller Lite.

I was especially bad at this in high school, when alcohol was only partly to blame. (sorry mom) I shudder to think about how I interacted with some of the boys I dated. All I’m going to say is, “Stalk much?” (OK, I wasn’t a certifiable stalker, but just a little overzealous. I just wanted some attention damnit!) So if any of you ex’s are out there and reading this…especially ones from high school, all I can say is, sorry ‘bout that. I’m really not crazy.

I guess I need to work on this self-confidence thing. I tried once at work, and let’s just say that not only was I thrown under the bus, but it was backed up over me and then the driver got out and pissed on me. So that didn’t help. I try to fake it, like going out to a strange bar in a strange city, but I typically wind up self-judging and comparing myself to all the other girls in the bar. (what is it with girls and competition??) Anyone have any suggestions? Poor little Sam doesn’t need me to pass on my issues…