Thursday, March 31, 2011

Two Kids...Or More? A Dark & Twisty Take.

I wrote about having more than one kid yesterday over at 2 Much Testosterone. I promised you folks more, and I am here to serve you! However, please keep in mind that the following is my own neurosis. It isn't me judging anyone or suggesting anything to anyone. It is simply a peek into my head.

For a long time, the notion of the "perfect family" of four bothered me. Coming from a family of six, with no brothers, I felt like "they" were dissing on us. Like "they" were saying we were some weird, freak kind of family. "Oh wow! There are FOUR of you?! And ALL GIRLS?? Your poor dad." (OK, the last part is right.)

You always saw that family on TV...a mom, a dad, an older brother, and a younger sister. Who was an angel. And they had a Golden Retriever. (I obviously got over that part.) I was upset through my youth that I didn't have an older brother to protect me. I liked to think that the neighbor boys were like my older brothers, but they really weren't. Especially after they moved away.

A few years ago, I found something else about that perfect family of four that disturbs me much, much more.

It seems that a lot of people I know who only have one sibling seem to have something missing in their lives. And that would be a relationship with said sibling. Don't get me wrong, they would not trade their childhood for anything in the world. But as adults, they've grown apart. They've discovered that they are two very different people, with different values (weird, right?) and different ways of living their lives. And often times, they allow this to pull them in opposite directions, to the point where they basically have no relationship anymore. Now, I know this happens all the time to people with multiple siblings, but I am all about the law of statistics. The higher the number, the better chance you have of something turning out right. The better chance you have of your kids being close to at least one of your other children. Or so I hope. 

There is a much darker, morbid side to my viewpoint as well. I've known several people whose only other sibling has died. Passed away. Gone on to the other side. Whatever you want to call it, they are no longer here on this Earth.

I'm not kidding. I know kids my age who have lost their only sibling to a car accident, overdose, suicide, and even murder. Murder, people. (Can you imagine losing your only sibling at the hands of some lunatic?)  Even if it wasn't murder, it was a random accident, or a drug overdose or suicide that everyone tried everything they could to stop. What would that do to you? What that would do to your parents? And while your parents are grieving, you all have to help each other, but there is no one else on earth who knows how you feel. 

I know there are support groups out there for people in these situations. A way to find someone else to lean on when you just can't handle the grief anymore. But it really hit me when one of these people said to me, "I'm an only child now." 

And that just made me sad. Sad for her. Sad for everyone who has no one. I've said it before and I'll say it again. I KNOW that many folks out there have friends who are more like family than any family they ever had. And there are women who can only have one child, and so surround themselves with loved ones who aren't biologically related. (And to those people I say, Good job. You are doing it better than I probably would.) I'm just saying, for me, Fertile Mrytle, I want to give my kids siblings. If for nothing else than for peace of mind. Because the way that my mind works, if I have more than two kids, then nothing bad will happen to any of them. (Yes...I have a serious case of "It won't happen to me.")

All anyone wants is for their kids to be happy and healthy. And not have a dark and twisty mind like mine.  To me, THAT would be the perfect family.

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